The best thing about the movie Water Wars is that it reminded me that I want to make my own Catman movie one day. Parts of this movie were directed by Cirio H. Santiago (Angelfist, Future Hunters, Equalizer 2000, TNT Jackson), but he took sick and was unable to finish. The producer (Roger Corman) gave the rest of the movie to Jim Wynorski (KvC: Komodo vs Cobra, The Hills Have Thighs, Chopping Mall) and Jim finished the movie.
A fun game to play while you’re watching this movie is trying to figure out who directed which parts. Is the scene set in a grimy, dusty environment? Santiago. Is there dust or mud but somehow the actors are pristine, even Michael Madsen in his all-black clothing? Wynorski. Are there many fantastic battle cars, practical effect explosions, maybe some artillery? Santiago. Are the SFX done by CGI? Wynorski. Is the scene shot with honest-to-gosh quality film stock? Santiago. I said it was a fun game, but it’s not a difficult game. The transitions of image quality are jarring.
I will go a step farther and say that all of the transitions are jarring. The most legible word on my notes for this movie (ironically enough) is the word “incoherent.” The two movies supposedly are parts of the same story, but (apart from some very blatant audio looping in one of the Santiago-directed scenes) clearly have nothing to do with one another.
Michael Madsen plays Bane. He owns a complex that monopolizes the water after an apocalypse or a collapse or a catastrophe is handwaved in the opening credits. His wells are running dry. A random half-naked woman is captured who has a tattoo that suggests she knows the location of a secret spring. Torture occurs.
Cars drive around. Actual film stock! Explosions! Gunfire!
The captured woman’s sister goes and hires a gunslinger to rescue her. The gunslinger Puts The Team Back Together. They rescue the woman, with difficulty. She is injured as they escape and dies before they can all return to the secret spring.
Cars crash into each other. A woman is hauled from a car, cursing and fighting. She is stripped, and tied to the hood of a car. She is driven to a camp, and tortured for information (this is where the blatant audio looping comes in).
The secret spring is in a place of such lush verdure that it’s shocking they have remained a secret (cough it’s completely visible from the surrounding desert cough). It also includes a sizable waterfall, the perfect backdrop for the world’s most boring sex scene. One of The Team sneaks away and kills a few of the secret spring’s guards.
Michael Madsen’s crew captures him and makes a deal with him. He leads them up toward the secret spring at the same time as the rest of The Team are being kicked out due to his treachery.
They have a fight. You know who ultimately wins. Do you care? No, by this point, you do not.