Curse of Demon Mountain

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The review that I saw of Curse of Demon Mountain talked of “Confederate veterans … [who] set out to find a hidden treasure … in a cave … guarded by a covey of hawks – and they begin to suspect that the hawks might actually be agents of the Devil.” Sort of a GettysBirdemic.

That wasn’t this movie at all. This movie featured Joe Don Baker as a soldier in the Confederate Army. His rank was approximately Middle Manager. His team was ordered to do a suicide charge. He and his half-Irish/half-Native-American buddy (Half Moon) survived it, but Slim Pickens was grievously wounded. As Slim lay dying, he told of finding these wondrous clear stones in a river, and hiding them in a cave in a mountain.

Joe Don goes back to his house, but apparently while he was Confederating, his house was taken by the Union Army — and his wife switched her loyalties as well.

With no home to return to, he and Half Moon go off to … find themselves a geologist.

Once the geologist is acquired, they turn their sites to hunting down this cave in a mountain by a river in the forest. Which sounds like a folk song in the making, but is not.

On their way, they survive several mysterious attacks. Each attack features exactly one arrow, shot from a distance. Half Moon is disturbed because he cannot track these attackers and doesn’t recognize the fletching on the arrows. Along their way, the group picks up Sondra Locke, who is the only survivor of a previous attack. And a woman. Joe Don is particularly disturbed because his wife was also a woman, and he is not over her betrayal.

They slowly (oh so slowly) make their way upriver through Arkansas, encountering betrayal and ambush at every turn. Also, eagles. Not hawks. The geologist is wounded. When they find the mountain in question, it turns out to be a sacred mountain. To set foot on it will bring death upon them. They set foot on it. Death is brought upon them.

The only survivor of humans or horses is Sondra Locke, who turns out to be in league with the arrow-shooting eagles the whole time. A really slow movie that has very little to recommend it, except for the twist at the end, which I have now spoiled. You’re welcome. Stay away.

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